A Birthday Party with a Difference

Feb 4

For many years I’ve hosted a birthday party—for myself! Sound a bit strange? That’s why January isn’t a dour month of post-holiday sadness in our family, because we celebrate not only our wedding anniversary but also my birthday.

I got the idea from a mentor friend, a lovely woman who shines with the love of Jesus. Many years ago she told me how she threw herself a birthday party as an excuse to draw together some interesting women. I loved the idea of community-building and celebrating life but felt shy about lauding the day of my birth. After all, I didn’t want people to think I was being grabby for birthday presents. But the thought lodged itself within me, so I decided to give it a try.

I saw the evening as a bridge to build relationships with women in my local community—busy people who might not otherwise have time to relax and connect with each other. While hosting this gathering I prayed that God would be at work in sparking conversations and strengthening relationships. The first year was such a success that I’ve repeated it many times.

One of the best aspects these evenings has been the conversation around the table. I take a gently directive approach here—unapologetically! Before the evening I devise a series of questions that can be answered at a deep or not-as-deep level. (See below for some samples.) During the meal we go around the table one by one, choosing a question from the basket and answering it. With this conversational focus, we’re able to hear from every person at the table, and often we learn new and fascinating things that may not have been shared otherwise.

What about gifts? If you host a meal like this, it’s up to you whether or not you allow people to bring them. I’ve had a strict no-gift policy some years and have relaxed the rule in others. Go with your gut. I also find that if people offer to bring a dish or a drink, I gladly accept. The variety and flavors have been an amazing blend over the years. For the end of the evening, I’ve loved surprising the guests with a little party bag including some scrummy Oreo chocolate truffles. Why not include a copy of God Hears Her?

Prayer is a key component to any evening such as this. I pray beforehand, asking God to bring just the right mix of women together. I pray while putting together the questions, asking God to help me draft or adapt ones that would spark meaningful conversation. I also ask a couple of my close friends to intercede during the evening, that God would be at work.

Over the years, God has answered our prayers amazingly. One year I experienced a moment of transcendent joy as my friends around the table sang happy birthday to me. As I took in their shining faces, I felt them bestow on me a gift of unalloyed joy. An outpouring of love. I’ll raise my glass to that!

Sample conversation starters