You Have to Grieve Normal
You Have to Grieve Normal
You have to grieve normal
I advised as she cried
You have to grieve normal
Or you’ll feel like you’ve died
He’s not what you wanted?
She’s broken, you say?
He’s medically fragile
She can’t learn to play?
Rage, wail, and sob
Shake your fist at the sky
Wrestle with the Almighty
And beg for a why!
Cry in the shower
Breathe through the fear
Don’t abandon yourself
And keep your loves near
Let company in
Lest misery take a toll
Eat food and sip wine
It’s good for the soul
Smile if you can
If you can’t, no big deal
There’ll be brighter days
Brighter days when you heal
These children are God’s lessons
I don’t say this in vain
These children will teach us
Through all of the pain
That life is much more
than pride, looks, or wealth
Life is joy, peace, & love
Kindness and health
So take a deep breath
You’ve got this, I swear
For the Almighty appointed you
A fierce mama bear
- Jess Ronne
When He Outgrew Cute
When he outgrew cute
The looks changed from compassion to concerned
Towards him
And towards those who supported him.
And sometimes disgust
Overshadowed concern
As he stubbornly clung to his ways.
When he outgrew cute
The calls increased
Calls desperate for help
Desperate for summer options for a fifteen year old in briefs
Desperate for respite
Desperate for adaptive equipment
Desperate for anything that would assist a non verbal child
Or anyone
And the voices were silent
Or they whispered –
Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
When he outgrew cute
His movements were no longer celebrated
But instead feared
Violent head banging
Aggressive pulling
Dangerous optimism
With the strength of a man
And not that of a child.
When he outgrew cute
The damage began
Damage to walls
Damage to others
And damage to himself
And this damage
Wreaked havoc on more than just objects in his path.
It wreaked havoc on psyches as well.
When he outgrew cute
The walls caved in
And the house became a tomb
And the isolation suffocated those within
As they desperately yearned to belong
To something
Somewhere.
When he outgrew cute
Milestones were no longer encouraged
And his future grew dim
And symptoms of PTSD set in
For those who loved him and had been
Rattled by his screams for years.
When he outgrew cute
Mood-altering drugs were doled out like candy
One option after another
For him
And also –
Suggested for his caregivers.
Drugs to dull the pain
Drugs to pacify
Drugs to silence the demons
When he outgrew cute
She outgrew herself
As every ounce of strength was poured into him
And she got lost in the daily grind
Lost in the sleepless nights
And invisible behind the never-ending tasks
When he outgrew cute
She outgrew silence
And she raised her voice
To join the cacophony for change
And her battle cry rose –
A better tomorrow!
For him
And for those who loved him.
Because when he outgrew cute
He outgrew society
And that’s simply not an option.
For anyone.
Anymore.
When he outgrew cute
She found the strength to move forward
To move toward advocacy
And move towards hope.
She found the strength
To keep going
And keep growing
And she found the strength
To just keep living
–Written by Jess Ronne. Used by permission from the author.
